Frustration

I don’t know what’s happening around me, it feels like I have no control over anything. People seem to be sidetracking me, be it in my personal or professional life. I feel lost and out of control. I’m working so hard , but there seems to be hardly any appreciation from any quarters, granted I do it for my self, and eventually I’m the one going to benefit from it all, but what about all those people who are directly or indirectly benefiting from what I’m doing?

From the first of February, I’ve only managed to average about three hours of sleep per day, been working straight for days on a row even, just getting a power nap in every so often. It’s really stressed me out, and decreased my ever decreasing capability to take stress, both mental and physical. My back seems ruined, I’m scared I have some dreaded broken bone or something of that sort. I walk with my hand on my hips, I’m only nineteen, but the actions make me look like I’m ninety.

I actually finished the whole thing with work much after the deadline, but I did. Well, people can’t ask me for the moon and expect me to deliver like as if it’s around the next block! Problems persist, but I actually put an end to it an hour ago, but wala! The guy doesn’t want it anymore, but that will change soon, I’m just pissed of he had to wait till I finished the whole thing to turn around and say he doesn’t want it anymore. It also gets annoying when you concentrating on work and half the office is asking you to finish lunch. But I am grateful that there are at least few people that are bothered about what goes in my tummy. With this thing going on I’m averaging about fifty sticks of cigarettes and about forty cups of tea a day, and my exercise schedule has been screwed up as well. Well, like they say, you’ve got to give some to get some.

Lately, well yesterday I had this feeling that I’m being too much of a pain to the people around me. I had three hours to sleep last night, but I couldn’t do even that thinking about how and why I’m such a pain. I try calling people and hardly anyone bothers to reply, or for that matter even reply to texts. I only wish people would tell me outright not to call them or text them, would make things much easier. I suppose sometimes you need to take hints. I’m not blaming anyone, can only blame myself. A friend called me yesterday , he said he was down and wanted me to come over and talk, but it was at such an odd time, half past five in the evening, I couldn’t get there because of work, but I couldn’t do much work either thinking about him. Met a new person yesterday, but we only spoke at length today, she’s just great! She’s one of a kind, doesn’t accept compliments and is a totally whacko, but really brought a smile on my face this morning, just when I needed it the most. My best mate is having a few problems with the boyfriend as well, but lets hope she’s able to sort them when she sees him this evening, just texted me saying she is on the way to see him. Another friend of mine also had a breakup with her boyfriend, a three year relationship broken in a day? Must be really hard, I really pity her, but she seems to be recovering.

I think I’m cribbing too much on here, should stop. On a lighter note, I’ve finished all my work and will have sometime to spare in the coming months, my passport is due for renewal on the 27th, which is also my mum’s birthday. I need to get that passport renewed and also get a nice little gift for my mum. I got a domain name registered for this blog, so pretty soon I’m moving this blog there. I seem to be skint by the way, so let’s see how it goes.


I Laugh Because I must not cry. That is all. That is all