Emotional Arousal

Lately, I have been at the edge. Everything I did, heard, saw or said, I would be really passionate about it. Tears in my eyes for silly little things, a bright smile for those small wonderful incidents. My emotions are peaking, be it anger, love, compassion, worry or any other thing you can think about.

Why should I get upset if my tea isn’t boiled right? Why should I get angry if it isn’t served on time? Why should I get happy when I am able to satisfy just one percent of my client’s requirements? Why is there a constant fear of loosing a friend, every time I talk to one? Why do I get annoyed when things don’t go my way? Why does every little thing perturb me? Why these extreme reactions for simple actions? Why so many questions?

I think I have been shaken up, firstly by the budget for the next financial year. Yes, it looks a rosy picture generally, but I don’t think it’s good for me. I will be covering the entire budget with an unbiased perspective sometime in the next few days. I really missed watching the whole thing live on the television because of work, but I know how to watch the whole thing all over again, why do we have something like the internet after all!

Work is very stressful, you do everything, but nothing pays off. It’s like sitting on a million bucks literally, but the damn currency is glued to the floor. What good I currency that is glued to the floor? Get into the office at ten everyday and bring a big mood along with my briefcase, and the first one to say good morning gets a good piece of my mind. Had a go at one of the guys because his shoe was not polished, and nearly fired a senior manager! I need to keep my cool and stay in control; these erratic responses will not help me or the company in the long run. Sometimes I think I’m taking to much upon myself at nineteen? Banks, Fellow directors, investors, staff, clients, distributors, dealers, franchises, suppliers , bulk buyers , plumbers , carpenters , brokers , across villages, towns, city’s, states, countries, language barrier’s. And at the moment, I’m so emotional; it’s either good or bad. Nothing in-between, where is the gray? And this is making me smoke a load more than what I normally do as well, today alone I have hit sixty cigarettes in twelve hours, that’s about one cigarette every 12 minutes, which is pretty scary! And tea has been in plenty though, though I must admit, I’ve been a little rude to my tea guy, Martin, today. He’s bearing the brunt of my frustration. Well, if he decides to turn up to work without footwear, what does he deserve? And worst of all, he made up ridiculous excuses.

I need a social life, but I can’t seem to make the time for it with all this work going on. Keep getting calls of a friends but I’m not able to make it, and those that I really want to talk too, aren’t in a position, physical, mental or emotional, to talk to me. I’m really missing a few people, though I’ve only been speaking to them a couple of months. On another note, my passport expired because I didn’t have the time to go personally and do the job. They should allow delegation; I can’t be expected to represent myself at every single place, at least my lawyer? But I guess not, they think I’m going to go and settle illegally in a European country! Oh well

It’s the Price you pay for the life you choose