Forlorn

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.



The past six months, I’ve been trying to socialize a little bit, get in touch with old friends, meet new people, or just old acquaintances, and I’ve bee working on it constantly. I must say, I’ve met and spoke to a lot of people, a couple of hundred if not more, and it’s been great. Lawyers, doctors, architects, simple students, models , VJ’s , RJ’s , businessmen , sweet girls, tough guys, beer guzzlers, cigar smokers , I’ve seen them all, been with them all. That odd cup of coffee, a nice drive, or lazing around on the bed talking about the old times, those long phone conversations, that one off movie, a meal together and sometimes that formal meeting at the office. That smile, those fits of laughter, that tear in the eye, the explosion of emotion, all those old memories coming back. Life’s been so much fun, and I’ve been hoping this continued for a long time to come. But it hasn’t , people just stop talking to me all of a sudden. No response to phone calls, no reply to texts, if they do pick up the phone they tell me they would call me back, but those calls never do come. Get told that they would call me back in twenty minutes, so I go ahead and cancel an out of the office appointment to be on the phone, and wait. But those calls never come too. Blocked on msn, invisible to me on yahoo, no replies to emails. Life has its ways. I don’t blame them, they have stuff to do. Universities to get into, other friends to talk to, keep existing relationships in order. Why pay attention to some new jerk that suddenly decides to come up to you? All this makes me wonder if I’m so detestable, that people can’t even stand me, and they are just being nice by not saying anything. Am I that embarrassing to be seen around with that no one turns when we fix up to meet somewhere, or mainly just not agree to meet up anyway? Do I send the wrong signals when I’m texting or on the phone? Have I just lost touch with the way that people like to communicate because of my staying away from a social life to save myself from falling for the vices again? Why don’t they just tell me to my face that they don’t want to be associated with me? It hurts, makes me think why I even tried, I should have know better about myself, a prick with no life, one that shouldn’t expect one either. There’s the bright life, one filled with friends and good times, people to meet, places to see, but I get shown the door every time, and in the politest way possible. So here’s me heading back to the dark, probably will fall in a pit somewhere and no one will notice. It hurts to be me, really does...



I need rain to disguise the tears in my eyes
Yeah, You know I'm a man, I ain't got no pride,
Till it rains, I'm gonna stay inside