Nebulousness

She waits for me, my lady Earth, Smiles and waits and sighs; I'll say her nay, and hide away, Then take her by surprise.

I have been trying to get to terms with what life is holding for me. Every time I seem to do something big, finish off a big deal, it always gets cancelled at the last moment. Nothing I do seems to happened smoothly, and I’m taking the tough route to the end , that’s only those few times that I’m at the end. Most times I’m just stuck there with nowhere to go, no one to go to. Except for my dad, he’s the only one that I know cant be wrong, wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to me, only wants the best for me.

Though I know my dad will be around for me every time I need him, two days ago I was scared, scared because a friend of my dad’s, whose just about his age, collapsed with a brain hemorrhage and is only being kept clinically alive until his daughter arrives from the United States where she is studying at the moment. A perfectly healthy man, with not a worry in the world, financially sound, his entire family happy. Someone like this could collapse all of a sudden one morning, and my dad, only forty-four years old, but with a lot of stress. The very thought makes me shudder. I’ve not been able to get over grandpa yet.

Work, like I mentioned before, hasn’t been really good. There was a huge episode here in India lately with a son of a famous late politician getting caught and nearly dead due to a drug overdose. Instead of scaring me, it was tempting me to just do that ‘one line’ that ‘one last time’. I think most of us know about that ‘one’ line. I had a tough time convincing myself not to go out and be stupid. It’s defiantly not worth it at all. But I’m starting to hate myself for even thinking about it, I’m starting to detest myself, and that isn’t helping too much as well.

Like most people at home and on here suggested, I needed to take a break. That I did, I went away to Bangalore and the surrounding country side. It was nice to be away from the hustle-bustle of work for a while, but I couldn’t stay away too long. I am trying a lot of new things with work and with my social life too. My social life has been a mess, and I’m making an effort to change that.

Today I have an umbrella, and it’s not even raining. I’m safe. Everything is good, though I must admit it could be better. But will I still have the umbrella when it rains? Or will the rains wait for the umbrella to be gone to come down?



One day you'll look to see I've gone For tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun