Transmogrification

My life has changed. It’s come around a full circle, and it’s only for the better. I’m a changed person, everyday I look at myself and realize that I'm only getting better. How and why? That’s something that I really haven't understood, but more importantly, I think I really haven’t tried to focus and understand why. Come to think about it, there has been a few things that have changed in my daily routine, and also things that I do and people that I'm try and keep in touch with… makes me wonder sometimes; What makes me, Me?

Firstly, I've changed my line of work. I've left telecom behind, it really paid off to. I’m now into real estate. I did a bit of thinking about what I want to do, and I realized that I'm not an entrepreneur, thought it is the second best option. What I am is an asset manager; the stock market, commodity trading, precious metals and real estate. That the stuff that I'm really passionate about, and also really good with. I was contemplating getting a job as an asset manager, but I'm hardly qualified in terms of degrees and certificates, plus I could never work under someone else. I'm also a risk taker, and most companies don’t like that, nor do High net worth individuals. So I picked to work by myself, but with investment and savings instruments peaking globally, I realized that I would only be a small timer with the type of money that I had, so I went ahead and joined my dad. He is a huge risk taker, even bigger than me, and I'm really doing well under his guidance.

With being in real estate, you get to meet a lot of people; different types of people. Unlike in telecom, there’s a lot of personal interaction here. Shorter working hours as well, thought there’s no telling where id would have to be when, though I'm really glad with uneven working hours. I'm also getting to see a lot of the city; I spend a lot of time driving around the city looking at properties, buildings and a lot of brokers!

I have also been trying to quit smoking; the cancer stick isn’t doing me any good. There are days when I've smoked less than ten cigarettes. I'm really proud of myself for doing that, its feels good. Along with letting go of the cigarettes gradually, I've also been exercising; walking, jogging, stretching, weights et al. My worst fear is that I will put on a lot of weight when I give up the sticks, and this is just to counter that. One day I will wake up and not crave for a cigarette…I hope…

Socially, I've been meeting a lot of new people, and catching up with people from the past. It feels nice, just to see all those people. I close my eyes, and unlike six months ago, I know I have friends; People to call when I really need someone to speak to. I'm also not in love, that’s a change for me, for the past nine months I've always been in love with someone or the other, nothing worked out, but still, its feels good to be single again. There’s a lot of great people out there, but they are all so great that I would never want them out of my life, they rather stay there as friends, than be more than a friend only to walk out on me someday.

Talking of which, there was a certain someone that I really liked. There was something about her that really pulled me towards her, but deep down inside I knew it would never work. We were two different people, with different ideas, different lifestyles and not to much in common. But she is a great person, and we got talking a lot. She moved away temporarily, and that I think triggered of some long interesting conversations; some funny, some intellectual. But it was great fun, there was always someone to talk to. I was confused for a long time about her, but then I decided against anything more than a friendship, she was too good for me to ever have out of my life. One night I told her that I did like her, but that was over and that I only wanted a platonic relationship with her. For over a month after that, everything was good. We were talking everyday, and it was just great to have a friend to talk to, she was going through some shit as well and I tried being there for her, it was all going well, I liked her as a friend and nothing more, and she was the same. She came down for a weekend, and didn’t even bother calling or meeting me, I realized something was wrong, so I called her and asked her what was wrong, she told me that it was creepy to even speak to me, that sometimes she didn’t even know what to reply to the things that I said. I guess I overdid the nice bit; it doesn’t pay to be honest and nice in this day and age. I could have understood if she decided to stop talking to me right after I told her that I did like her, but a month after that? I cant even call her up now, she picks up the calls , but there’s a dryness in the voice, a ‘why the hell are you calling me’ underlined in the conversation. I still call, but not as much. I wish things would be like before again. Anyway, I really think I've lost a friend, just by being honest and a little silly. I feel bad, a little guilty, maybe I came across wrong, I don’t know. But whatever it was, I think I overdid the nice bit, I didn’t realize that it could hit people so late… to my friend, I'm sorry.

But whatever’s happened, its making me a better person. And I'm climbing up in the ladder of life, reaching higher ground with every passing moment. Someday I will reach the top and look at everything around me, and maybe even give a helping hand to the people around me, just so they can see how beautiful the world around them is, how nice the people are. Just so they can see things around them more clearly, with nothing blocking their vision…someday…


The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.