Emergence

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

It takes time for me to accept people, for me to care about them, for me to worry about them. I'm initially very nice and charming most of the time, or so I've been told, that’s how I am with new people. But that’s only until I'm able to figure them out, and more importantly their intentions. I guess I've been hurt quite a bit when stretching that hand out to ask people to befriend me. If I'm still talking to them on a regular basis, if I still call them, if I still make an effort to see them, if I go out of the way for them, I know I like them as people. But that’s when I'm exposed and prone to hurt and discomfort. More often than not, I don’t get that helping hand back, I don’t get calls returned, and the level of interest isn’t the same on both ends, but that’s acceptable, albeit very hard for me to deal with. But things get worse sometimes, I get interest returned, and a very good comfort level. But something happens, triggers my emotions and makes me reckless. I'm a very possessive person, more so about friends. There are times when things happen, though with no bad intentions, that makes me go crazy. And I speak my mind, with no intention to hurt people or make them feel awful about themselves, but after I do that, things change. The relationship isn’t the same anymore, especially so with people who haven't understood me yet. People say Time is the best healer, but I don’t like time. Time stole my girl from me, but that’s another story for another time. If I get through all that, and I know, and this maybe blowing my own trumpet but I will say it anyway, that I will strive to be the best friend a person has ever had. People who drop out midway will however continue to be acquaintances, some may even classify as friends. Do you think I'm asking for to much?


But in a rather weird way, I met this one girl. She read my blog, and said to me ‘hey, nice blog……’ I don’t know what I was thinking when I first started talking to her, when I first asked her for her number, when I first called her, when I first met her over a cup of coffee, when I first dropped her back home. But whatever it was I was thinking, I am so glad that it happened. During the entire process, I've found the best friend I've ever had, and I don’t think anyone would ever be able to replace her. It happened to be a very small world, and I met this lad through this other friend of mine. Initially, I had my reservations, but as I spend time with him, I realized that deep down inside, this guy was on of the best people id ever meet in my life. I had a lot to learn from him, a lot more to teach. And his ear was a listening one, one that could easily comprehend the words that come out of my mouth, the ideas out of my head. I often shoot him raw ideas which he helps me simplify, even though unknowingly. He grew on me, and I'm glad he did. Through this lad I met another lady; she wasn’t from the same town, but from my grandpa’s town. She even knew a lot of my family there, initially I was a tad bit worried about sharing things with her, sometimes even to be seen around her, the conservative country that India is; the conservative society around me. But slowly she grew on me as well; no one can not end up not liking a pure heart, No one could not like a lady with a world of knowledge to share, worldly experiences, and the art of living alone. A lady with dreams, and ambitions, someone who doesn’t want to fit into the mold, but would rather try all her life to get the mold to fit her. The three of them study together at the same college that I hated so much, and quit! Ironically, I go back there nearly everyday. Just seeing the three of them makes me feel so calm, so heavenly. After my stressfully days at the office, there’s nothing like seeing a few good people who can actually talk to me like friends and call a spade a spade. I also get to meet a lot of new people because of them, feeding my ever increasing desire for acquaintances, who I hope someday will turn out to be good friends too. Most often than not, I have to go out of the way to go and see them after college, I've even stopped giving people appointments around that time. These three people make my day every time I see them or speak to them, yet somehow I find it very hard to admit it to them. I wish there was someway I could tell them. They have made me a little different than what I was, and its all for the good. I've learnt how to smile, how to socialize, I've learnt to be nice, and I’ve learnt to act my age and not forty!


I sit down and watch this boy growing inside me, and it takes me a while to realize it’s the new me. I see the rage in him, the desire for more. But there’s nothing I can do as I see him smile, as I see him flourish with his new found company, there’s nothing that I can say as I hear him speaking his mind, with a pure heart. The way I tickle myself just by seeing him dreaming wide eyed about the heaven he believes he lives in, rivers of milk and honey, the way he can stick the broken world together with just glue. He seems capable of facing the world; nothing dare stand in his way. But he shrugs at his own mistakes, I see him sleeping so calmly. I see people growing on him. I see that he will be more than I have ever been.



I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.